2001-05-04 - 4:35 p.m.
I had such a happy night last night, staying at my parents house with my childhood best friend, and walking my dog around our old neighborhood for hours, talking about the life choices we're both trying to figure out. And how we feel like, well, maybe we should have already MADE them. And man, it was so good to see her. And to be walking around in the suburbs, where the lawns are lush and green, and the trees are flowering, dropping extravagent pink flowers all over the streets. It was quiet, and pretty, and somehow soothing to be walking the streets with my best friend, the same streets we walked together on our way to elementary school, and Jr. High, and High School. The bike path through the woods where we used to sneak cigarettes as freshman. The ditch she fell in and ripped her favorite pants. The houses we lived in as children. We walked barefoot, with my dog, smoking cigarettes and talking incessantly. It was good - good for the soul. And it makes me feel like heading back out there tonight, to do it again. But I can't. I have some birthday obligations tonight. Dammit.I feel somehow better today, less stressed about the where-am-I-going issue, so that's a good thing. I wish Jane lived closer. I was spoiled, having her so close. But just that little bit of quality time - it grounded me, makes me feel a little less crazy. I sometimes feel like my life now is just flying by, and that I might be wasting it in all this confusion. Like I might wake up one day and be 50, and wonder where the hell it went. But enough of that - I feel good today, although we not only stayed up way too late last night, but we got up and did the dog walking thing this morning as well, before I had to get on the train. And maybe we'll get in a little more time, before she has to go back.
And tonight, I'm heading to the East Village, to celebrate P's birthday, and Wanda's. Hope I can stay awake that long.
Note - I fully expected to get on here and rant and rave about how much I hate my job today - but just typing out the bare details of last night made me forget about it - and that's a good thing.
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last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
playgroup, my ass - 2005-09-15
late, but heartfelt - 2005-09-13
she lives - 2005-08-18
cheese me - 2005-05-20