2001-06-14 - 3:21 p.m.

Speaking of journals, I unsubscribed from a notify list yesterday. For the first time ever. I'm sure the journaller wouldn't even notice or care, it's a pretty popular one (not on diaryland, I would never unsubscribe from one of you!) But here's the thing. I just don't buy it. I don't believe her anymore. Isn't that terrible? She's always been kind of, well, Pollyanna for my tastes. Being a lifelong cynic and all. Everything is always gushingly wonderful in her life, etc. Except I don't buy it. She's suddenly changing all these things about herself, physically. I'm not talking about trying to lose weight, or getting lasix eye surgery or something. I just can't reconcile the picture of perfect internal happiness she paints with the reality of systematically changing every single thing about her physical self. Not that there is anything wrong with that, per se. We all have our struggles. But never a mention of what CAUSES her to feel the need to change herself into someone else. So I'm done. My little passive-aggressive protest. Heh.

Otherwise, I don't have much to say except random catch up - my friend Ellen emailed me back today. So I guess she didn't dump me completely after all. I was a bit alarmed at the philosophical tone of her email, and hope that everything is ok with her. I'll check in on her this weekend. (Old habits die hard, my friends)

I'm now on the official countdown to my vacation. One of my problems is that I can't really ANTICIPATE things. Like vacation. I have friends who get excited months before they go. People have been asking me,"Are you getting excited about your trip?" And I'm all, "Trip? Uh, yeah, yeah, I guess I am." But I need it to be really close before it feels real. Wonder what that says about me. Anyway, last night the boyfriend (who has been doing EVERYTHING - all I've done is get my passport and eyeball all the cool travel things I'm going to buy at Brad's store) is laying out the latest developments, including brushing up on his Italian. Man, I am a slacker. So I say, "Baby, you're so awesome to be doing all this. What can I do, I feel like I'm not helping at all." And you know what he says? "You can research, uh, how about the food and wine? You know, where we should eat and what the best wines in each region are." Damn, I feel like the baseball team loser. You know the one, the coach tells him to be in charge of the equipment and gathering the bases because the kid can't hit or catch to save his life. Although it doesn't bother me that much, apparently, because my research material consists of the Tuscany issues of Bon Appetit and Gourmet magazines, a handbook or two, and emails to all my friends for recommendations. So, if anyone has any suggestions, email me, would ya?

Damn, I said I was going to keep these short. Sorry

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