2001-06-20 - 2:42 p.m.
I went back to the gym last night. For the first time, in, oh, a month or so. My entire body is sore and stiff today. I knew I shouldn't go back. And the thing is, I have FUN at the gym. Not fun working out, but fun with P. I'm kind of lazy at the gym, if left to my own devices. I won't up my weights, and I won't do 100 crunches, and I probably won't do the shoulder machines, either. But with P, I have to. Because he's a drill sergeant. We don't take it too seriously, though, which probably doesn't go over so well with all the serious buff people, but whatever. I only joined the stupid gym because I had a little ass trauma when trying on bathing suits last spring.Anyway, P alternates between pushing me, and looking at guys -
P: ok, do eight reps and CONCENTRATE
Me: (Pant, pant) Owwwww....
P: Oooh, look at that one..with the goatee
Me: He's straight
P: How do YOU know?
Me: He hit on me last time I was here.
P: Goddammit. I'm the single one, why can't he hit on me? Quit cheating, that wasn't eight.
At the mats, doing the dreaded crunches
Me: P. Seriously. I haven't been here in a month, I can't do any more
P: Yes you can -
Me: No, really
P: Fine, have a buddha belly hanging over your pants, I don't care.
Me: (grumbling under my breath) Ok.
P: Let's do the lift one - put your legs straighter.
No, straighter. (lifts my legs) Like an L
Me: (struggling)
P: An L, I said. Make yourself an L
P: (yelling now ) AN L!!! AN L!! Is that an L? NO! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT AN L LOOKS LIKE?
Me: If you don't quit yelling at me right now I'm going to lift with the cute straight guy.
P: fine. let's do regular ones, then go get dinner.
At the weight bench, we're talking about, um, a certain kind of sexual accessory that can only be used by men.
Me: But what is it?
P: Well, it sort of ENHANCES (something something)
Me: I don't get it. How?
P: I don't know HOW. It just does.
Me: But how does it go on?
P explains.
Me: Wait, you mean you actually put it all through there?
P: Yeah
Me: Yikes. That's crazy. What happens when (something something) How do you get it off?
P: answers.
Me: I still don't really get it
P: (looking around) I don't think the gym is the place to be talking about this, do you?
Me: Uh. I guess not. I don't want to know anymore anyway.
Also, I spot him on the weight bench. You'd probably have to know me to know just how hysterical that is.
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last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
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