2001-07-13 - 4:02 p.m.

Last night I went and picked up my 5 million pictures from vacation, 4.5 million of which are pictures of me, because my boyfriend was a freak with the camera - there are some really amazing pictures, and then there are some that are not so great - like me feeding my face, or walking down the street with gelato in my hand, and also in my hair. Very nice.

Then I went to have dinner with P - met him at the store and went to Viceroy in Chelsea to eat outside, and he told me about his weekend in Southampton. Oh my God - these things only happen to him, by the way - he has been trying to talk himself into liking this guy, who invited him out for the weekend. So P goes, and ends up making the rounds of these ridiculously extravagent celebrity parties, through some connection of this guy. And he's completely unprepared for this -he said he was the paper cup in a room full of china. I was rolling laughing by the time we got to the restaurant. He was wearing some flowered pants (don't ask) and Katie Brown, the woman who has that low-rent Martha type show on HGTV, kept making a big fuss over them - so at the end of the night he gave them to her, and went home in his underwear. Of course, this did not go over so well with his very conservative and old money would-be date. The next night was more of the same - he told me that he was totally clueless as to who half the people there were - except that Penny Marshall kept bumming cigarettes off him. I screamed at that - Laverne! Laverne was smoking your cigarettes - I would have died! 'Cause she'll always be Laverne to me.

Then we ate, and looked at my pictures, and P was intolerant to the loud, middle aged (oh, wait.. I'm middle aged now, aren't I? Ok, she was later-middle aged)overly doting dog owner at the next table. You know the type? Who coo really loudly to their dogs, and act like they're children? She had two poodles, and was speaking to them really loudly when she spotted P's dog - "Oooooohhhh, look, Chi-Chi! Look at that handsome doggy! Do you want to say hello? Do you? Go ahead, sweetie, say hello..." Then she gives her a long lead and the dogs come over. At which point P gives her a dirty look and snarls to me, "Oh no. I am so NOT having a doggie jamboree." He's so charming.

He left for Chicago this morning, and I'm leaving tonight to go upstate, taking the Freakshow. Jane is upstate as well, so she'll be coming over tomorrow for a little quality time without that control-freak of a boyfriend.

And, on the freak front, during my afternoon latte and cigarette break outside, this shuffling, smelly guy in falling down jeans and a dirty tshirt slides up, right in my face, and motions to his mouth, miming smoking. Why me? I'm getting a complex,I swear.

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