2001-09-28 - 12:08 p.m.

So one thing did happen when I was on that hiding-under-the-covers hiatus two weeks ago. I was standing in the bathroom, talking on the phone, when I looked down and saw the MOTHER OF ALL COCKROACHES skitter past my feet -

(aside - I'm not that girly a girl. And cockroaches do squick me out, generally. I once accidentally emasculated a friend of mine in a bar, where he was trying to slowly and calmly get me to move away from a roach, and I turned around and killed it with my boot without blinking an eye. But that wasn't in my HOUSE.)

When I saw that thing in my bathroom I turned into a cartoon character. Screeching and doing that little pick your feet up high dance, just like a little wuss. In my defense, it was HUGE. Ugh, I'm getting a chill just thinking about it. Anyway, I slam the bathroom door (like that's going to keep him in there) and do what any sensible girl would do - I called P.

Much hilarity ensued. He came over from work, with the dog, and I was outside sitting on the stoop.

P: What are you doing out here? You chicken..... let's go.

Me: P. You can't bring the dog up there, I swear it's the biggest roach I ever saw, I have NEVER had a roach in here, it will probably eat the dog.

P: Whatever, chicken. Let's go

We go upstairs, and he makes fun of me for closing the bathroom door, and for being a sissy girl in general.

And then he goes into the bathroom.

P: (laughing) Oh my God, it is still in here. It must be lying in wait for you to have to go to the.....HOLY SHIT! That is the biggest cockroach I have ever seen.... oh, man, give me something to kill it with!

Me: Give you something... no way! You can't use my stuff to kill that big ass thing. Step on it

P: I'M NOT STEPPING ON IT IN THESE SNEAKERS...

Me: Jesus, P, just kill it! I can't take it, I'll be living at your house, I swear...

P: Give me the broom

Me: The broom! I can't have roach guts all on my broom...

P: (comes out of the bathroom, grabs the broom, and goes back in, closes the door behind him.) OK, I'm going in alone! Eeewww.. man...GROSS!!! This is why I'm a gay man - so I don't have to do these kinds of things!!!

It was awful, I tell you. I had the exterminator in the next morning, and haven't seen so much as a carcass. But damn, I was freaking.

And the broom is currently in the hallway outside the roof door. Never to be let into my apartment again.

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