2001-10-05 - 4:52 p.m.

"You're fine."

One of the other things I've been doing is scheduling appointments with doctors. Just the routine - gynecologist, dentist. So I went for my annual checkup with the gyno on Wednesday, and we discussed the thickening I'd felt in my breast a few weeks ago. She told me she didn't think it was anything to worry about, but that since I'm a year away (ok, less than a year) from 35, I might as well go for a mammogram, and she gives me a referral and a number to call. After speaking with the radiology center, I had to call the doctor back for some info. And I told her that they had scheduled my mammogram for December - is that too long to wait? She said no, don't worry about it - but when I called back the radiology center, they said they had had a cancellation for the following morning, did I want it? I say yes, and so it's settled.

And then I start freaking out. Is it going to hurt, did the doctor secretly call the center and tell them to hurry up and schedule me, but she didn't want me to know because I'd worry? (Aside: No one can make a medical mountain of a molehill like me. I realize this is irrational behavior.)I spend the afternoon feeling myself up at my desk to see if I can feel anything. Then I spend the evening (after dinner with Jerry) actually trying to squish my boobs flat between my hands to see if I can tell what the test will feel like. (when I told my friend Jane this, she cracked up. And said that she wants some of whatever I'm on. Ahem.)I'm a freak like that.

So I get up and shower and head over to the office. On the way, I walk by a big burly guy in a tshirt and sweatpants, who says, "Girl, you're looking SASSY, walkin' down the street like that." Usually when someone comments when I walk by, I ignore them, give them a disgusted sneer, or, on a bad day, the finger. But I turned around, looked him in the face, and said, "Yeah? Well, I don't feel very sassy." And he smiled, and replied, "Well, maybe you'll feel it by lunchtime."

So I went, and had the test, which didn't hurt at all, not even a little bit. The technician was great, and we talked and joked, and she told me that if there was a problem, they'd call my doctor that day, and she'd call me. No news is good news. But after she let me go and I was waiting to make sure they developed properly, she came into the waiting room and sat next to me. "You're fine. You have dense tissue, but there's no spots, nothing."

And I felt pretty fucking sassy after that.

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