2002-01-03 - 8:50 p.m.

I told you about the offer I had, the good, solid offer that I was planning to turn down if I got the job I wanted. The gentlemen who own the company are foreign, and speak with a heavy accent. I had left him a message the week after Christmas, explaining that I'd be making my decision after the new year, by Friday this week.

Today I had a great interview with the company I want to work for. No on the spot offer, but I think it went well. I get home and am talking to my mother on the phone when my call waiting goes off. I click over to the other line, and hear, "I'd like to speak to Trouble please. This is mumble mumble from AOHell."

And I say, sighing heavily, I'm on the other line right now, can you call me back at another time?" .

And about an hour later, I'm looking through my job-hunting notebook (shut up, I need to keep track) and it hits me like a ton of bricks. That was not a pesky salesperson from AOHell. That was (suddenly the mumbling becomes clear in my head) from ARL, which is the name of the holding company that owns the one I'd be working for.

"Can you call me back another time?"

I can NOT believe that shit. I am a responsible, shit-together girl. How could I fuck up so royally??? Oh, there is just no way out of this one except the brutal truth. I might have to have a shot of whiskey first thing in the morning, before I call. Or maybe I'll call and pretend nothing happened, act like I didn't realize it. Or maybe I should just go turn in my application at the Golden Arches right now. I don't deserve a job, really.

Seriously, I feel the worlds biggest loser. Like I better stop pretending I don't have to go back to work and get it together.

And the worst part? The worst part is that I secretly think it's kind of funny. I see funny, peeking out from behind the mortification.

But I did open my giant box of crayons, and stood there for five minutes with my eyes closed, smelling them. And that made me feel much better.

And if the first part of this entry didn't make you think I have some problems, that last paragraph should clinch it.

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