2002-01-26 - 3:45 p.m.
Went to the gym again this morning, and I'm hoping that this is something I can maintain. Just half an hour of cardio, three days a week. Attainable, right? One of my surefire excuses for not going to the gym was the time it takes.... I'd come up with all the things I had to do, or places I had to be, that I could not sacrifice an hour. But half an hour? Even I can't excuse a measly half hour. And now, with music, it doesn't suck so bad. I figure between that and yoga, that should be enough. But this cardio workout has made me realize something. I need to quit smoking. Or cut back, at least. I've been smoking like a fiend while unemployed. Unemployment leads to smoker-friendly situations, like coffee in the afternoon or a Bloody Mary at brunch, reading in the apartment, etc. So going back to work should help, as I usually take only one cigarette break a day. But although I ran/walked for half an hour on the treadmill (on an incline, thankyouverymuch) and did pretty well, I feel it in my lungs now. In my thigh muscles, too. Yeowch. But improved health and energy level is what I'm after, and smoking is impeding it. I am getting old. Older. I'm thankful that my inner eight year old still emerges, even if it's only for waffles at the diner.
I'm thinking of going back to therapy. I loved my old therapist, we had a great rapport and I'm spoiled. But she's all the way in NJ, and so I need to find a new one. I feel like I've lived a lifetime since my final therapy session, and I fear that sometimes I slip backwards. Doing the work during my divorce gave me some kind of faith, I think. It's hard to describe it, but I was somehow more elevated, further removed from my problems, and able to see the big picture better. I've been hitting some walls, in taking the next step in my relationship and in detaching myself from my parents problems, and I think I need a refresher. Because to me, that's what therapy does. Gives you the skills to deal with your problems, helps you cope. I'm going to try to find one before I go back to work. And speaking of work, if I could do whatever I wanted, and money was no issue? I'd be a therapist. Hm.
And now I'm off to clean my nasty apartment and get ready for my cousin to come - girly shopping tomorrow!
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she lives - 2005-08-18
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