2002-02-22 - 9:19 a.m.

And it wouldn't bother me so much except for the fact that they are still in that post-college pack thing, (yes, at 40!) so a simple evening out at a bar turns into junior high almost every time. Last night I went and met my friend Jo at Sh@de for a drink, and then the boyfriend and I went to see Love, J@nis, which is a musical tribute to J@nis J0plin playing off-Broadway. It was actually quite good - the girl who played the narrator was just awesome, and the singer was very impressive as well. I thought it was really well done - you could feel the manic energy that must have been part of her performances, and the narrators speaking parts interspersed with the music (it was mostly music) illustrated her inner struggles as well. So that was very cool.

Then we went to the Lower East Side to some new bar. To meet a bunch of his friends. Of course, this entailed a thousand cell phone conversations, and a re-aligning of the troops, and then once we get there they all start talking about how a girl Al dated was at the bar as well, and he was on his way. *sigh* Lots of discussion about this. Then about an upcoming ski trip : a friend of a friend came up and asked us if we were going, and when I asked if she was, she said, "Oh, yeah! WOO HOO!" And then she HIGH FIVED the girl next to her, while my eyeballs rolled around in my head. I don't really feel like getting into all the little things, so let's just say that it was yet another mind trip back to my early 20's, when I cared about spending every night in a club, and really, it's a trip I'm not that interested in taking.

Ok, so no big deal. Most of the time I just don't go, I just choose not to subject myself. The boyfriend and I have discussed it, and I have told him that at this point in my life, I just don't want to spend my time with people I don't care about, in some stupid trendy club. Which, let me clarify, does NOT mean that I don't go out with his friends, or hang out with them - and I'll occasionally go out to clubs with my own, as well. I just feel like I've spent half my life doing that "scene" - and I'm over it. It's all the little things - who slept with who, who pushed who out of a Hamptons share..it sickens me.

The problem is that I can't just choose not to go, and have that be the end of it. Nope. I have to RESENT the boyfriend for doing it. Not for the act of hanging out in a bar with Peter and the Lost Boys, but because he WANTS to do those things. He argues, and says that he does it so rarely, etc. It isn't that I don't want him to go out and do what he wants to do - it's that I want him to want what I want.

Mmmm, that's healthy. Maybe it's just the hormones.

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