2002-03-04 - 7:31 p.m.
Last night, about 12:30, someone was singing an aria outside on the street. At first I thought it was amazing, I was just on the verge of sleep and suddenly, this beautiful singing. But then it went on. And on. And on. Until I wanted to scream. I lay in bed, thinking of things I could do about this (vision of myself with the face mask and pot of water) and I was getting up to close the window when I heard someone else, a man's voice, yelling down from their own window. "Hey! Opera Woman! Shut the fuck up!" And she did.Had a good, busy day today, and some good news. An old friend of mine is on the verge of getting a very big job with the city, and will be moving to Tribeca! I'm excited for him about the job, but more excited that he'd be moving to the city with his wife, who I love. That would be a very good thing for me. And Jane, who had previously declined the invitation to girls weekend, changed her plans! I'm extremely happy about this, as Jane is currently living in a bad situation with a very controlling man.
I don't write about it in here because it's her story and not mine, but it's something that I think about every day.And if I started, I might never stop. I feel like my hands are tied, but every day I watch her, in this emotionally abusive, manipulative relationship, and I see her will shriveling. I hear the excuses she makes for him, I see her withdrawing from her friends and family, and I don't fucking like it. Without getting into the details, she has put herself in a position where she can't leave on her own - she'll need to ask for help. And in her depressive mind, she feels like a failure, that asking for help would wreck her, prove ( I don't know to who) that she is, in fact, a loser. Which is far from the truth, but that's irrelevant. I've seen him in action, and called him on it to his face, and pushed him back (figuratively) when he tried to push me. So he's tried hard to alienate her from me.He's clear on where I stand. I want to fly down there and rent a van and just show up. Pack up her shit and take her home. But I can't live her life for her, can I? All I can do is be there, and assure her that I'll be behind her no matter what she does. That I'll be there within 24 hours if she wants to leave. But I know it isn't reaching her, I've known her all my life. So I'm so glad, and so relieved, that she's coming upstate for a weekend with the girls. Let's call it an intervention, shall we?
I'm staying home again tonight. The boyfriend is working at home, and I'm going to cook dinner, and take a bath, and try very hard to get up early tomorrow to go to the gym. Wish me luck.
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last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
playgroup, my ass - 2005-09-15
late, but heartfelt - 2005-09-13
she lives - 2005-08-18
cheese me - 2005-05-20