2002-03-27 - 10:21 a.m.
Last night Jerry and I went out to a restaurant on my block, in the pouring rain, for a pre-birthday dinner,and we were talking about the boyfriend and I moving in together.I was explaining, rather dramatically, that it would be hard for me to give up my place, my own little apartment where I made my way, and how it symbolizes my new life, and that I was thinking of subletting it instead of letting it go. Jerry was having none of it, and told me to cut the crap and move forward and stop trying to leave myself an out. Which is true, I know. Although the boyfriend is very understanding of my issues, and would probably roll his eyes and say, fine, sublet it, if the roles were reversed I'd be having a fit.So we finished dinner, and Jerry left, and I headed home. As I approached my doorway, I saw two people squeezed onto the stoop, holding a huge umbrella in front of them, so all I could see were the colored spokes of the umbrella and their feet beneath it. I walked up and said excuse me, and they emerged from behind the umbrella, wild eyed and holding bottles wrapped in brown paper bags, a woman and a man. They got up, and I smiled, and the guy started with the street person banter, "Oh, excuse me, miss, do you have to get in here? Next time give me a little notice, that's right, you go on in there now, you're a nice young (HA!) girl, and I just smiled and walked up to the door and he said, "I'm on YOUR side." I got upstairs, with my heart pounding, and realized I probably should have told him I'm on his side, too.
Then the boyfriend came over (umbrella-huddlers were gone by then) and we talked about the apartment thing, and then I got on some realty websites and checked out apartments within our parameters, and I bookmarked some and then we went to bed.
And proceeded to have all sorts of anxiety dreams, most of which have slipped my mind by now, but they all entailed people in my life scolding me about something. *sigh* I'm never really sure if dreams are repressed feelings coming to the surface, or just the brain's way of letting go of the unnecessary. Either way, I hope this doesn't continue from now until we find a place - by July I could be dreaming of being trapped in a cage.
But this morning the sun is shining, and I got up early and had coffee at home and dropped off my laundry and walked to work. They cleaned the windows in my office yesterday, so today I have a crystal clear view out the window. I realized that I have a full view of about 30 windows across the street, which I never pay attention to. I'll be doing some office-peeping today, for sure.
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last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
playgroup, my ass - 2005-09-15
late, but heartfelt - 2005-09-13
she lives - 2005-08-18
cheese me - 2005-05-20