2002-03-28 - 9:17 p.m.
Before I moved into the city, I took a Power Yoga class here with my friend Jeanine. I absolutely loved it, it took me to another place and left me feeling relaxed and open and loose. This was an overwhelming feeling for me, one I couldn't ever remember feeling. And after all the stress and the sadness and the negative energy, it was a release. The instructor was Charles, he was tall and thin and willowy, with long curly hair, a moustache and beard, and wire rimmed glasses. He was very hands on, coming up in the middle of a pose to flatten your back by pressing his shin against it, or pulling up your hips during downward dog. He'd align his arms with yours for warrior, then grab your hand and show you how to reach. Lots and lots of physical contact. And of course, for him, being a yogi and all, there was nothing sexual about it. But for me? I was almost beside myself with lust. And the further along I got in my practice, the worse it was. This, of course, was detrimental to my yoga. But it was like he was touching me in all these places I had never been touched before.Not physically touching me, but bringing me to these amazing planes where I felt so overwhelmingly good, so open and peaceful, and I wanted him to touch me the way I knew, the way I could understand. Physically. Very strange, but I left it at that, and kept it up.
During cool down, he'd shut off all the lights except what came through the windows and the skylights, and I'd lay in the dim light and look at the old, warped tin ceiling with its layers of white enamel paint, and listen to my breath. And he'd walk around, and bring you a blanket if you needed, and he'd stop randomly and pull your limbs gently to stretch you, or rub your shoulders. I remember once, laying with my eyes closed, he knelt behind me and rubbed my shoulders and then ran his hands over my face and through my hair, over and over. I work hard at being spiritual, but I'll never get that far from my physical self. Lawd, the impure thoughts.
And a few weeks later, I had a private lesson. We talked about how the issues in my life were reflected in my practice - that your physical limitations echo your mental ones. And so, after half an hour of breathing work, we worked on trust. Partner yoga. I won't give you the specifics, but let's just say that more than once I took it two steps further in my mind, and it was porn, my friends. But, alas, Charles had a falling out with the studio and left abruptly, and I never saw him again.
I don't want you to think I want to go back to yoga for that, though. It's for the enlightenment. Really
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