2002-05-14 - 10:51 p.m.

We are in an expected lull right now at work, when we've done what we can and sold in the line and now we just wait. But those empty hours are being filled with way too much personal drama. We are currently jammed into an office, three of us, while they juggle people off our floor so we can take it over. We're all on the phone at the same time, there's music blasting in the background, and Deb's cell phone rings non stop. Very irritating. I need an office, dammit, and soon. Either that or a prescription.

I went out to dinner with my friend Jay tonight, at a fabulous little old French bistro that I'd walked by a million times but never eaten at. The food was amazing, I got white wine and managed not to spill it all over him, which is a first. I did manage to throw the dessert menu at the waiter. Accidentally, of course.

It was interesting, dinner. We have a strange relationship, and really, I don't feel like writing about it. But in the 13 years I've known him (13 years! Yow.)he's carried this little fantasy relationship with me out in his head. Which is interesting, as it's not with me, actually, but some idealized version of me. We're clear, there is nothing happening there and never will be, and I think he likes it that way. But you know, when I'm with him, I become that person. That smart, fascinating, intriguing complex person he's made me into in his imagination. It's very strange, but also very safe. We're really friends, we've seen each other go through some bad times, and yet he's created his own little romantic escape from reality, and he openly talks about it with me.

So anyway, apparently we've come to the end of our pretend relationship in his head. He told me tonight he's been dreading this dinner, because he knows he has to "let me go." Kind of surreal, now that I think about it. I wonder if I should feel hurt. Heh.

And the chocolate pudding with the whipped cream and the thin chocolate cookie thing.... heaven.

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