2002-05-15 - 10:42 p.m.

Nicole writes about going in naked, which I'd love to do but was afraid to try my first time. So I went in, and had a little conversation with a random woman in the shop - a perfect stereotype of a certain type of NY woman. Hmmm, how shall I put this? She was pretty, with expensively streaked blonde hair and perfect nails and $200 yoga pants. She had a strong NY accent, of the Long Island variety, and she complimented me on my red bag.

Her: Oh my GAWD! I love youah bag! Wheyah (2 syllables, there) did you get it?

Me: This? H&M

Her: Ah you kidding me? Do you know, I bought a pair of shoes, EXACTLY that color, really cute, little slides, you know? And I went to Saks yesterday, they were havin a sale, and I found this bag by Zelda somethin or othah, I nevah even heard of her, but it was $500, oh sure, it's on sale, 30 pacent off, big deal, it's still a fortune, and I brought the shoe with me and everyone in the Saks shoe depahtment just died, they said 'what a good IDEAH' but when I got it home, I dunno, it's just too big, but that one, is perfect and you got it so CHEAP. Do you think they still have it?

I swear. All this with much finger splaying and hand waving and eye rolling. She was like a young, pretty Linda Richmond from SNL.

Anyway, I wasn't too sure what to think, with the bed and the headphones and the box on the wall and the dimmers and the towels...but I finally arranged myself, and put those stupid little goggles on (and I made a fish face, too) and laid back and turned it on and damn, I really liked it. It's almost like meditation - I listened to music and breathed deep and felt warm and sleepy, and they blow cool air on you at the same time. Very cool. I'm afraid I might turn into one of those leather-purse faced ladies.

I'm feeling pretty good, overall. Jerry is shocked by the fact that this apartment limbo is not stressing me out. But it's really not. Whenever it happens is fine, and if it doesn't, we'll start looking then. Finding this apartment happened much quicker than we had planned, and I have a lease until the end of December. And it's funny, and telling, I think, that I'm so calm about it. Very unlike me. Some might say that it's just that I'm scared to do it anyway, and this delay just allows me to live here in safety and solitude, with him here almost every night, but still in MY place.

And that's probably true, a little. But something else is true too - that I know that we're going to be together, and whether we live in this apartment or not, that won't change. So it's not such a big deal. And for the first time in my entire life, I have a little glimpse into trust and security - my experiences have taught me otherwise. And it's not bad, I have to say.

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