2002-05-17 - 6:34 p.m.

Also, I think it's time for a new look to this diary, and since I know fuck all about that kind of stuff, I'm looking for a volunteer. I'll gladly pay you or send you presents.. let me know in the guestbook, ok? Kisses. I need something a little lighter, I'm thinking.

I really need to it be spring already. This weather is so screwy, it's supposed to get cool this weekend and last for almost a week. Dammit. It's time for SANDALS. And I really need to clear out the sweaters from my crammed dressers. I'm feeling kind of blah lately, and the warm weather helps - alot. I'd like some cooperation here, whoever's in charge of things that.

I've not been exercising AT ALL the last week or so, not even yoga, which is not good. I just can't get motivated. Tonight on the way home from work I stopped and bought the new Sh@pe magazine, for the cover story that promises a bikini-ready body by June 1. I haven't opened it yet, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't recommend sitting my ass on the couch or in front of this computer this regularly.

I've talked before about being concerned about distorted vision when looking at my body (or a crackwhore wig) and thinking it looks better than it really does. Or gaining weight, and still seeing thin in the mirror. At no time is this more clearly illustrated than when I don't want to go the gym.

My don't-go-to-the-gym eyes look at myself in the mirror and say, "DAMN! You look good! Almost perfect! You don't need any stupid treadmill!" Very scary. I just hate it, I'm not athletic so sports are out, and the gym is so monotonous, especially with P gone. And I'm not into the outdoor recreation thing much, either.

As a matter of fact, the boyfriend took me on a much too strenuous hike in the mountains near his house, and halfway up, doubled over and panting, and when he stopped to see how I was I snarled, "Why can't you have a BEACH house like normal people?" Luckily, he thought it was funny.

I am a city girl. I don't do horseback riding, or mountain biking, or anything that makes me have to stay outside when it's cold. I like my hikes to be gentle, I like to walk, and I like the beach - none of those are particularly strenuous. An anti-gym city girl is not a good thing. (said as I apply my lipstick to go out to dinner...)

We're playing the weekend by ear..if it's raining tomorrow we'll stay in the city, if it clears up we'll go upstate and work in the garden. Hey, does that count as exercise?

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