2002-06-01 - 6:52 p.m.
A sort of friend of mine came out to me last night. It's very early in the process, and he almost visibly flinched when he told me. I shook my head and said I figured. And he was shocked. Long ago we went on a couple of dates, that's how we met - and he's a really nice guy, who, despite being pursued by women, remained their sensitive friend. He lived his life as a straight guy, presented himself that way. Had lots of women friends... his apartment was always covered with little notes and postcards and I love you honey drawn on the chalkboard by the phone. And he WAS sexual, rather aggressively. But you know, his heart wasn't in it, and he never formed relationships with these women, and has never once, in all the years I've known him, spoken of a past girlfriend. But he says he was never with a man, either, and I believe that. So he lived a lie, and though he went through all the motions flawlessly, it was clearly a hollow house.He was really taken aback by my reaction, and also relieved. He asked me why I never said anything to him. Well, why would I? I don't ask people what their sexual preferences are, ever. And that's the thing. People who are homophobic are afraid of the sexual aspect of same sex couples. Because, really, two men sitting at dinner, or gardening, or sitting next to each other on your couch are completely normal things. Even straight men do that. Which leaves the sexual aspect, looming unspoken and forbidden, as the factor that frightens people.
And here's the way I see it. I don't ask my straight friends, male or female, if they like bondage or the missionary position or golden showers. It's none of my business, and I don't want to know. I spend zero time thinking about the sexual habits of my friends, unless it's in the context of a good morning after story, which are more entertainment than erotica. So what do I care if you do those things with men or women? We don't speculate, when looking at a solid middle class couple with 2.5 kids, whether or not they're into orgies. I don't, anyway. So if you're with a person of the same sex, I'm not going to take the mental leap into what you do in the bedroom. It seems so logical to me.
And now maybe my friend can get some LIFE in his life.
� older
� guestbook
� notes
� profile
� design
� host
last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
playgroup, my ass - 2005-09-15
late, but heartfelt - 2005-09-13
she lives - 2005-08-18
cheese me - 2005-05-20