2002-07-23 - 8:26 p.m.

In the middle of all of this, I went downtown at lunch to show my place. The girl was 15 minutes late, the painters were there (my early morning moving job yesterday - all for naught.) and my neighbor told me that someone had dropped a set of keys to my old apartment on the sidewalk, and someone returned them to the bookstore. I went and got them, and they had a tag on them, clearly marked with the address and apt number on it. So I marched over to the brokers office and threw a hissy fucking fit. Only to find out later that it was actually my own management company that dropped them. Ahem. So I had another hissy fit on them, explaining that the reason I didn't want to let them in was exactly this sort of incompetence.

Ok. So I showed it, and got on the subway (oh, did I mention? It's HOT here. Really, really hot.) A middle aged woman and her elderly mother got on, and were standing next to me. The mother was ancient, stooped over, with a cane and a big hearing aid - and a smile on her twisted mouth. And no one got up. I slid down the bar to the center of the row and hissed, "Can ONE of you let that woman sit down?" And a guy got up and did. Two stops later, a young guy and his blind father get on. The son wrapped his fathers hand around the railing, and the father said, "No seats?"

And GODDAMN it. I just wanted to cry from frustration - not about no one giving up their seat, although that burns me up. Just about all of it - I'm TIRED.I'm getting sucked into the vortex of my own frustration. I need a vacation. And I'm gonna get it this weekend - I'm going to go to the country where it's quiet, and get up early and go for walks and out for pancakes. Before I lose it. Want to know how bad it was? I voluntarily went to the gym, alone, to run it off. Even spent the 10 fucking minutes I had to wait for the treadmill on the stairmaster, instead of stewing like I usually do.

And on the bright side, Evan held my hand walking down the block today, I FINALLY made friends with the one surly elevator man, and I had a rice krispie treat.

And this day? Over.

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