2002-09-05 - 11:37 p.m.

Jerry and I used to work together, and we've been friends for 6 years now. I hated him at first, but we've gotten pretty close, and we have a close but slightly combative relationship. When I got divorced, I went on a little vacation, with my best friend. The month before we went to court. And I had the best time, it was easy and relaxed and I realized then that I could actually have fun still, I hadn't forgotten how. And ok, part of that fun was a little fling with the young boat boy, and I came back and told the story. And Jerry got up and hugged me, laughing, and said that now I was "officially his GUY friend."

Since then, based on his analysis of my behavior in general, he awards me points. Girl points or guy points. For example, if I insist that I can't go out because I need to go shoe shopping, or if I get up on my soapbox about lapdances or something, I get girl points. 10, 25, once in a while 50, depending on how girlie he deems the action. Conversely, I get guy points for saying things like, "I almost killed that g-ddamn hibiscus. Luckily, the boyfriend revived it when I was away, so I entrusted it to his care permanently." 5 guy points for that. 25 guy points for me tonight, for saying, "I don't want to go sit in some tack ass bar with some girl who wants to talk about shoes. I'm just not doing it." Like that.

So Jerry, who is happily married to a wonderful woman, recently confessed to me that he went to a massage parlor for a "happy ending." Listen, it is my JOB and my DUTY to speak for his wife in this situation. So I tell him what I think, and then I go and tell our friend Maria, who calls him up and rips him a new one.He starts recounting the story for Tom and Nicole, and Tom looks at him in horror:

Tom: Why did you TELL her?

Jerry: I KNOW, I know. I'm like Charlie BRown, kicking the football. Could you smack the shit out of me next time you see me doing something foolish like that?

T: Yeah, man, that's a SPECIAL kind of stupid.

J:(pointing at me, somewhat drunkenly)She fools me! One minute she's my guy friend, everything's cool,I get lulled into complacency, and the next minute WHAM! She pulls the girl out.

Heh. 100 girl points for me.

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