2002-09-17 - 11:16 p.m.

Tonight I was sitting here, staring at my AmEx bill. It is, as usual, too high, and I run my eyes quickly down the list: Du@ne Re@de, MetroCard, T@nti B@ci, sushi delivery, R1cky's.....and the gym.

Let's talk about the gym, shall we? I STILL belong to that gym. Every month I scan my bill, and every month I look at that gym charge and cringe. A few times a week I walk past it, and look up at all the people running on the treadmills, and feel guilty. A few times a month, I actually make it. And, you know, most of the time I push myself.

So really, why am I still a member? Why do I hold on to that little gold laminated card with that hideous picture of me on it? Like that piece of plastic is some sort of claim to fitness and healthy living. But it's like as long as I still have the membership, I still have hope. It is absolutely retarded, I'm aware. And I could use that monthly payment in far more constructive ways.

But then I think, maybe it's not so much to pay, for hope.

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