2002-11-19 - 11:06 p.m.

The only thing is, I always feel like I have to be on my best behavior in those old southern cities. I feel like I'm always one tiny mistake away from offending everyone in the room. They have rules, those Southerners, all sorts of indecipherable subtle rules of civility. I spend all my time with my internal censor on shoulder, hissing, "Be NICE." Not that they're so nice, all of them. But they all abide by the rules, at least the older generation. And being from NY is something I admit to only under duress. Here's how that conversation goes:

"So where y'all from, darlin?"

Um, NY.

"The city, you mean?"

That's the one.

"Oh, I way-unt to New Yawk just last Spring, May, I think it was, and I had a WONDERFUL tahm, I went to _insert tourist attraction or fabled restaurant here_ and it was just faabulous. But I could NEV-AH live they-ah."

They think we're pushy, NYers, and rude. And I can see where they might think that. But I would NEVER ask someone where they were from and then be so openly disdainful of it. That nev-ah is accompanied by a look, a suble little curl of the lip, that equates my apartment to a rat-infested dumpster on the edge of a swamp. Now THAT'S rude.

As much as I like it, the ritual and the gorgeous old mansions and the civility and friendliness of the people, there's something else.

At least amongst those dignified, civilized elders. A deep seeded vein of racism that chills my blood. It's not my tradition, not my heritage, so maybe I shouldn't speak about it. But it shows itself, after a few civilized cocktails in a bar, the conspiratorial mildly racist epithet they lean over to speak in your ear. The still-segregated, although not by any force or laws, city areas. The glaring divide between the haves and the have nots. And I honestly don't know how anyone can hang a Confederate flag. But that's a rant for another day. It's a good thing I have my d'land Southern boys to offset the effects of all that.

And for the record, we also met a lot of really, really nice people. People who made me shamed of how NOT nice I can be.I think this city has made me a little cynical, a little harder. Sept 11, too. So the latest in my endless list of self-improvement projects, most of which have yielded moderate results at best, is to work on that. On being a little nicer.

Wish me luck

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