2002-12-12 - 12:19 a.m.

So tonight I came out here to drop off the boyfriends car at the dealer, since my Mom backed into it last weekend and knocked out the taillight. Nice, eh? It was pouring rain, and I had three huge shopping bags of gifts, but the boyfriend went to pick up the car and brought it to the building, so it could have been worse.

And then I drove to the tunnel. Now, I realize that Christmas is a time when people want to visit NY, but listen, if you're planning on it. We welcome you, wherever you're from, but do us a favor, ok? DON'T DRIVE. It makes the traffic unbearable, and you know, you're NERVOUS. Nervous isn't good. Because when you're nervous and driving in NYC in the rain, in traffic, I will be the asshole behind you, tailgating as you drive 15 miles an hour down Varick Street, hitting your breaks every 10 feet. I'm trying very hard to hold on to my Christmas spirit, here, mkay? Take public transportation, it's really very good. Cabs too.

I noticed tonight that as I get older, I become more cautious. I guess that's normal, with age comes realization of mortality, and things scare you all of a sudden. Doctors visits, or the car skidding out in front of you, or being alone in the city on a dark street. And, of course, I live in a city. But I find myself taking it with me wherever I go. In an upscale mall in the midwest, I keep my bag on the shoulder while I hover over a public toilet. At restaurants, I hook the strap of my bag over my knee, I don't take my money out in open spaces. Regular cautions.

But tonight, at the car dealer, I filled out the envelope for night drop offs, but instead of parking in the dark lot and dropping the keys in the key slot, I waited for my mother to get there to pick me up. Left the car running, doors closed, in the driveway of the dealership, until I saw her headlights pull in. I'm in Mayberry, RFD, for fuck's sake, at 9 o'clock at night. What's going to happen, some kid is going to ride by on his bike and throw a bottle cap at me? Oooh, scary. Although I have been traumatized, I was once menaced by a bunch of 10 year olds on bikes, at 1 a.m., in the city. Shut up, they were in like a GANG, there were tons of them, and they were circling me...

Some badass.

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