2002-12-14 - 11:56 a.m.
Hey, what happened to all that Christmas spirit? It's been lost, buried beneath the fiery, viscous hormonal lava tide that's overtaken me. I am seriously crabby today, crampy and achy and grouchy, and it's cold and grey and rainy out, and it's 11 days before Christmas, and really, I shouldn't be laying around here watching TV and reading journals in my pajamas, I should be out ACCOMPLISHING things. Shopping, and cleaning, and getting some shit to the post office. But I stood at the kitchen window this morning with a cup of coffee, and the streets are slick and dark, the outlines of the skyscrapers downtown barely visible through the fog. Apparently I'm not the only one feeling this way, as the streets are relatively empty for 11 days before Christmas, and the people that are out are huddled under umbrellas or burrowing into the collars of their coats. The cop on the Greenwich traffic island has his hood up, and the booksellers on the sidewalk across the street have covered their tables with thick plastic and are standing in a little knot under the awning of the cafe, smoking.I suppose I could be productive and still stay home, just run out for ingredients and make cookies and finish my cards, but I need to run to Uni0n Square to the toy store from hell, and to get a coat for my grandmother, and I should do something feel-good for myself, like a manicure or yoga or the gym, because I feel a little funk coming on.
The boyfriend went upstate to clean the gutters of the house before it gets unbearably cold, but I passed, as I am getting together with my friend Karen tomorrow in NJ. Have been debating making some plans for tonight, but I am feeling awful, and this will be last night-home-alone until the first of the year. And tomorrow I have scheduled shopping time with a dear friend that I haven't seen in much too long, so there will be an end to the wallowing. I just don't want to give in to it, I'd really like to skip the holiday meltdown just once. It would be nice if I could skip my period in December, from now on.
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last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
playgroup, my ass - 2005-09-15
late, but heartfelt - 2005-09-13
she lives - 2005-08-18
cheese me - 2005-05-20