2003-03-01 - 12:17 p.m.

I have made a tentative decision to go to therapy. I went once before, when I was getting divorced, and it was absolutely the best thing I could have done. Going through all of that, from 6 to 7pm on Monday evenings, I found my faith in myself. And a lot has changed since then, and I think it might do me some good. I find clarity there, or have done, and I think I could use a little clarity about now. Therapy and yoga, that is sure to do it.

And work is kicking my ass. My business is exploding, and I am very grateful for that in this shitty economy. But this week, after the hell week of Vegas, I have left the office between 9 and 10 every night, and four out of five brought work home to boot. My neck and shoulders are knotted and sore, my hands and feet are atrocious, I have dark circles under my eyes and a stress breakout on my chin. But Monday is the deadline, and it'll ease up after that. I've also been having anxiety dreams, and waking up with my mind racing. This is very unlike me, I am a master of leaving work at work.

And underneath it all, a low hum of guilt about my family and friends, who I am sorely neglecting. I haven't seen my friends new baby (3 weeks now!) or my cousin's new fixer-upper house. And I haven't spoken to my girlfriends in ages.

But I have squeezed in a christening, some old-photo sorting with my mom and grandmother, a night in Vegas with P (although I was nodding off in my beer) and then breakfast the next day, and a 10 minute drink with Jerry on Tuesday night. Oh, and I refinanced my mortgage, went to the closing and then spent half an hour with my old friend who owns the mortgage company, so that's something.

All work and no play, though. Very bad. Any free time I have I just want to collapse and try to unwind.

So I made plans to meet my mom, my grandmother and aunt for lunch tomorrow in the city before they go see a play, and then coffee afterward. I think I'll go out old-lady shopping and buy them some treats. And now I'm going to get in the shower and go treat myself to a paraffin pedicure for these hoofs at the end of my legs.

Be back tomorrow

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