2003-06-05 - 11:16 p.m.

Feelings of hopelessness? NO

Change in sleeping patterns or fatigue? YES

Thoughts of suicide? NO

Increase or decrease of appetite? YES

Are you withdrawing from people? NO

I think it's seasonal, to tell you the truth. I can't talk about the weather anymore, but sweet jesus. It's like Groundhog Day, the movie.The boyfriends brother was in this past weekend from Seattle, and even HE couldn't wait to get out of here. Anyway..I don't actually feel hopeless or anything like that, but I do feel, well, muffled. Tired in the morning, unmotivated to exercise, don't want to go out to bars I can't smoke in...and work probably contributes. It's still all consuming, and I'm never home before 7:30. It's kind of like a constant, low level dullness.

I've been trying to appreciate the little things, though.. the roses that are blooming in all the little parks, the tissue-papery looking ones that open fat and fluffy instead of elegantly furled. All the dogs out, and the buildings, and even the rain dripping off the green leaves in Christ0pher Park. I'm trying.

I am, however, taking advantage of our summer hours tomorrow (off at 12 on Fridays. guess how many times I've done it? Right, none.) and having my hair cut and highlighted, and then we're going to a concert in Central P@rk, as the forecast, shockingly, is sunny and warm. I'll try to get back here tomorrow.

Oh, and remember my vow to quit the gym? That's right, I'm still in possession of that little laminated piece of hope. Dammit.

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