2004-01-29 - 8:46 a.m.

Well, except that I went and met A and a few of his friends for dinner last night -- he's back in town, looking for a place. We had a great time, actually, and I met two, two, cool girls that I could possibly be friends with. Amen to that. We totally bonded immediately, and we talked about divorce and Sex @nd the C1ty and relationships and men in NYC and sex toys and catty girls. And we shared a lipstick in the ladies room, to leave our lip imprints on the wall as is custom there. And A, well, when I see him after a long absence he's very..... attentive. I don't know how else to describe it, although there's more to it than that. It was very comfortable, and good to see him, but this morning I felt conflicted about it, about seeing him. Maybe I shouldn't. There's something about an impending wedding that brings 'em out of the woodwork.

And tonight I had dinner with my therapist friend Ellen, and we caught up on each others lives and then her sister met us for dinner at V1ll@ge, my new favorite neighborhood restaurant because the food is good AND they let dogs in the bar area. And we also talked about relationships - and marriage, and kids, and expectations. It's hard to know where the line is, sometimes, between reality and cynicism. Years ago, my friend Kathy married a real asshole. She was pregnant, and went on to have another a few years later, and she stayed at home, while he ran around doing god only knows what. And she didn't talk about it, really - at one point I made my feelings about him known and she made it clear she didn't want to hear it, so I respected that, and our friendship continued, unchanged. But at one point she said, "This is what I wanted - to have kids and stay home with them. This was my choice. And I figured out after the first baby that I could resent it and be miserable, or accept it. I accepted it, and let me tell you, I'm much happier now." At the time, I thought that was terribly sad and half hearted. But she's got something there, doesn't she?

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