2004-07-22 - 11:09 p.m.
So my friend Deb got a big huge job at a big huge company, so I met her for a drink last night. Although I will miss her terribly, and all her mentoring, I'm very happy for her, as a person can only take so much screwing over, you know? Anyway, I met her and a friend of hers, and we started talking about a mutual friend. He is married to his college girlfriend, has two kids, a big mortgage in the suburbs. And he told me (and how I wish to God he hadn't) that he has been going to a massage place after work occasionally - for HAPPY ENDING massages. Now, I don't think I have to explain that to you, right? And he explains the whole thing, how she asks you if you want her to have clothes on or not while she massages you, and after the massage and the, uh, happy ending, she KNEELS IN FRONT OF YOU AND PUTS YOUR SHOES ON FOR YOU. I honestly wanted to take him down. And I know his wife, although he's my friend. So I stifled the voice screaming in my head about degradation of women and what-would-your-wife-say, and I sat him down and laid it out for him in calm and rational terms.Me: What would your wife do if she found out?
Swine: She would freak out.
Me: And she'd be really hurt.
S: Yeah. She actually might leave me.
Me: And take your kids
S: silence
Me: And your house and half your money
S: She's not going to find out
Me: THAT'S NOT THE POINT, MOTHERFUCKER
S: Ok, yes, all those things are true.
Me: And so it would be worth it? A $20 hand job from some skank ho? Just fucking think about this.
S: I hear you.
S: But I'm probably going back next week.
Me: *head explodes*
And for the record? In front of his wife, he is the model husband and father. She stays home AND has a part time daily babysitter, and he caters to her and hovers over her and spends his weekends barbecuing and playing with his kids. HAPPILY.
I don't know, I just don't get it. I get it if you have a bad marriage. I get it if you're a single person whose been alone for too long, and the next person you're attracted to happens to be married. I might not agree with them, but I get it. But happily married, (maybe not so ) and happily ensconsed in his life, his comfortable life that he's worked hard for and his wife has made possible. I mean, what the fuck? To risk losing your kids? Man, it's scary. And the scariest thing of all? Noone would ever suspect.
And this brings me back to the conversation with the girls: There are all these married men out there, hitting on chicks, hanging out in strip clubs, buying drinks for girls young enough to be their daughters. I know, because I was young enough once. And I bet less than 15% of their wives would say, if you asked her, that her husband would ever do anything like that. Never cheat on her. And my problem is that I've had too many close male friends. Who are now pillars of their communities, with kids, and they tell me stories that curl my hair. One of the wives turns her head to it, the rest would never suspect. And you know what? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ALL THAT. And once you know, you can never un-know. All that toxic knowledge, plus a divorce, equals one suspicious bitch. And I say, and believe with all my heart, that M wouldn't do that, because that's not the kind of person he is, but, hell, how do I know? I 'm pretty sure I'm no less delusional than the next girl.So many men I call good men have told me these things. Not all, but an alarmingly high percentage. So how DO you know? I've come up with a long list of ways to know, but I'm painfully, statistically aware of just how unreliable it is. And it's not fun, being like this, believe me.
All I ever wanted was to be stupid and happy. Is that so much to ask?
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last five entries:
done - 2005-09-16
playgroup, my ass - 2005-09-15
late, but heartfelt - 2005-09-13
she lives - 2005-08-18
cheese me - 2005-05-20