2005-03-16 - 12:21 p.m.

So today is my first official day of not working. It was actually supposed to be Friday, but my boss was returning from overseas on Friday, so things were a little hectic. She asked me to come in Monday "for a couple of hours" and then on Monday, to come Tuesday for a couple more. Which turned into 5, ahem. Clearly this did not take much convincing on my part, because really - what am I supposed to do with myself all day? It would be one thing if I weren't 39 weeks pregnant - it's not like I can go out wandering around the city, shopping and hanging out like I LOVE to do. My fat ass can barely make it to the corner without getting winded. Plus it's fucking cold out there.

But it's really just the whole leaving work thing. As you know, I'm not planning to go back to my job. It all feels so permanent. So I'm now having that whole identity crisis thing - I don't have a baby at home, and I don't have a job...I don't know how people do it. I'm sure I'll get used to it.

Last week I had to broker an emotional exchange between two people at work. (Can someone explain to me the CRYING?I'm not talking about crying about personal things on work time. I'm talking about crying about work. I will never, never understand this. Didn't they get the memo? THERE IS NO CRYING IN BASEBALL) For God's sake, I had two different episodes of employees crying last week - excuse me? I'm the pregnant woman - if anyone should be crying here it's me.

The more interesting one took place during our office move. To make a very long story short, our new offices were supposed to be ready on Monday. We show up on Monday, and they are not. Actually, my staff showed up and had nowhere to work - no phones, no computer lines, nothing. I was late, as I was on modified hours, so by the time I got there it was already a standoff between the woman in charge of the move (let's call her Butch) and my team. I came in after it had begun, and said, very calmly, "When will they be done?"

Butch:(turning bright red, bottom lip quivering.) "You know, you have no concept of all the work this move took. You have no appreciation of all we HAVE done...." (eyes filling with tears)

Me: (eyebrows drawn together quizzically, thinking oh no, she is NOT going to cry) Butch. The bottom line is that I have a team sitting there with nowhere to go. I was told the offices would be up and running today, or I would have made other arrangements. When will you be ready?

Butch: (full out crying now, but not sobbing) YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH WORK THIS IS! And the last thing I need is THAT ONE (gestures to my old assistant) rolling her eyes at me! I am doing the best I can!

Old Assistant: THAT ONE? I have a name, and if you have something to say you come right over here and say it to me...

GOOD GOD, people. I had to chase Butch down - she was running away, CRYING, and calm her down and finally I just called her boss and we figured it out. And here I was worried I had no parenting skills. I should be able to broker those playground fights, no problem. Heh.

But the real point of that story is that that little episode was probably, in all reality, the last time I will be in control of anything for a very long time. *deep breath* My friend K says knowing that is half the battle, but somehow I'm not buying it.

Ok, now that I'm home all the time you can expect more updates. Like maybe five a day.

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