2002-05-31 - 7:59 p.m.

Prolonging life is a human trait, not an animal one. The suffering would not be worth the possibility of one more year of life, and on a bum knee no less. Needless to say, this was an extremely emotional decision, but I feel it's the right one. Although she's limping on the leg, it's not causing her pain, and her disposition is the same as always. When her quality of life wanes, or she suffers, I will put her down. Until then, I'm going to take her upstate and feed her steak and pigs ears and hug and kiss her. She's had a good life, my girl, and she's given me more than I can express. So I'm sad, but ok now. Although when that day comes, and there's no telling when it will be, I will be a basket case. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

On the apartment front, there's good news and bad. The bad is that the owner of that apartment took it off the market. Crazy bitch. The good news is that I found another one tonight, very unexpectedly, and the boyfriend is at the baseball game and doesn't know about it, and meanwhile I'm filling out the application and getting ready to make an offer on Monday. Heh. It's beautiful, and right around the corner, literally, from where I am now, and it has a beautiful custom kitchen with glass fronted cabinets and an eating area with a window, and lots of light and fabulous leaded glass windows with a view, from the bedroom, of the Jefferson Market Tower. Arched doorways and wood trim and beautiful hardwood floors and a big bathtub. I almost feel like I shouldn't talk about it, but I don't believe in jinxing shit, not really, so there you go.

Let's see, what else has been going on. We went upstate for the long weekend, which I spent mostly crying over my dog, and got back to the city on Monday night. Tuesday Red came in for our sales meetings (did I mention that my friend Red is also working with me? Well she is) and she stayed with me. Tuesday night we went to dinner at the little Italian place across the street, and Wednesday night we had a work dinner, at a Middle Eastern place in the East Village. It has a tent in the yard, billowing silk with little lights around the poles and round leather ottoman like seats around low plank tables. The food was fabulous, we all drank mojitos before dinner, and ended the meal with Moroccan mint tea and a hookah! Fun. Then last night I had Ellen's graduation from the masters program at a very liberal social work school here. She's had a lot of years where she lost her way, Ellen has, and I'm proud to bursting that she had the guts and determination to leave her high paying job, have her engagement broken off, and still go to school full time for her masters, at 35. Wish I could do it. So we went to the ceremony, and then to an intimate little dinner on the Upper East side. Then I came home, grabbed some stuff, and went to spend the night at the boyfriends place. So it's been a full, crazy week, out late every single night, eating and drinking, and no alone time at all. So tonight I passed on the baseball game, did a little apartment looking, and now I'm home, blissfully alone, and am putting all the grand plans of accomplishing errands on hold until tomorrow. It's raining and thundery out, and I'm SO HAPPY to be home.

I'll spend tomorrow doing personal maintenance - manicure and pedicure, laundry and dry cleaning and groceries and flower shopping and tshirt shopping and maybe a little dress or a pair of shoes, and the gym and maybe an evening yoga class. And some writing, for sure. On Sunday my Mom and aunt and cousins are coming in to the city for brunch, and then I have the spa treatments that the boyfriend got me for my birthday, and then dinner with Brad. I should feel alot better after all that, and should be refreshed and ready for Hell Week at work next week.

Ok, now I got all that out. Maybe a non-laundry-list entry later. Oh, and one more thing. I found someone to sublet my apartment. Looks like he'll no longer be the Jewe1 0f Perry St.

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